My meditation today: 6.15 am (30 minutes), 12.40 pm (15 minutes in a parking lot).
I slept poorly and woke up around 5. I felt too restless to sleep. I did my meditation a bit after six and stayed in bed till 7. I managed to get relaxed but could not sleep anymore. I took the dog for a brisk walk.
I cleaned the kitchen which was a mess after yesterday´s dinner party. I made some coffee and sat down with my trusty macbook. I feel restless, anxious, sad and even slightly panicky. I do not know what is going on.
One of my key problems is that I keep comparing myself and my life to other people and their lives. Nothing good comes out of these comparisons, ever. I end up seeing myself and even my whole family as a failure. The friend of mine, who was here for supper last night with her two kids, does everything wrong, from the spiritual perspective. She is angry, she yells at people (particularly to her kids), swears a lot, talks about her money problems non stop and is just on a wrong frequency. Or so it seems. Yet her kids do very well at school. They are well-behaving and social. While mine are...well, lost. It is like both me and my kids just do not fit in.
Maybe because I was feeling like this, the Universe sent me an article, posted on Facebook, on how everybody talks about creativity but it is not really tolerated.(You can find the article here).
Particularly this part rang a bell in my head:
A Cornell study makes the case that social rejection is not actually bad for the creative process—and can even facilitate it. The study shows that if you have the sneaking suspicion you might not belong, the act of being rejected confirms your interpretation. The effect can liberate creative people from the need to fit in and allow them to pursue their interests.
I am now thinking whether the weirdness of my family can be explained this way. Maybe we are just too creative for the establishment and because we don´t fit in, we just end up walking away.
Appropriately enough someone had also posted a Richard Branson-quote on FB and I ended up liking his facebook site. He talks about how important it is to follow your dreams and jump into the unknown. Well, I have done that but he does not say anything about how totally scary it is and what to do when you get second thoughts...
I had a lump in my throat all morning and thanks to the good Universe, got rid of it with a good cry. Another FB link about an airline company that surprised its customers with a christmas miracle. It made me cry and, indeed, restored my faith in miracles.
I am off to my son´s school for a crisis meeting that I hope will become one of discovery and true interaction. I am feeling better, thanks to all the wonderful FB resources and a long telephone call from my friend. I am grateful for him even though sometimes I feel like I am unable to love him back the way he loves me but - I have decided to forgive myself that, too.
I slept poorly and woke up around 5. I felt too restless to sleep. I did my meditation a bit after six and stayed in bed till 7. I managed to get relaxed but could not sleep anymore. I took the dog for a brisk walk.
I cleaned the kitchen which was a mess after yesterday´s dinner party. I made some coffee and sat down with my trusty macbook. I feel restless, anxious, sad and even slightly panicky. I do not know what is going on.
One of my key problems is that I keep comparing myself and my life to other people and their lives. Nothing good comes out of these comparisons, ever. I end up seeing myself and even my whole family as a failure. The friend of mine, who was here for supper last night with her two kids, does everything wrong, from the spiritual perspective. She is angry, she yells at people (particularly to her kids), swears a lot, talks about her money problems non stop and is just on a wrong frequency. Or so it seems. Yet her kids do very well at school. They are well-behaving and social. While mine are...well, lost. It is like both me and my kids just do not fit in.
Maybe because I was feeling like this, the Universe sent me an article, posted on Facebook, on how everybody talks about creativity but it is not really tolerated.(You can find the article here).
Particularly this part rang a bell in my head:
A Cornell study makes the case that social rejection is not actually bad for the creative process—and can even facilitate it. The study shows that if you have the sneaking suspicion you might not belong, the act of being rejected confirms your interpretation. The effect can liberate creative people from the need to fit in and allow them to pursue their interests.
I am now thinking whether the weirdness of my family can be explained this way. Maybe we are just too creative for the establishment and because we don´t fit in, we just end up walking away.
Appropriately enough someone had also posted a Richard Branson-quote on FB and I ended up liking his facebook site. He talks about how important it is to follow your dreams and jump into the unknown. Well, I have done that but he does not say anything about how totally scary it is and what to do when you get second thoughts...
I had a lump in my throat all morning and thanks to the good Universe, got rid of it with a good cry. Another FB link about an airline company that surprised its customers with a christmas miracle. It made me cry and, indeed, restored my faith in miracles.
I am off to my son´s school for a crisis meeting that I hope will become one of discovery and true interaction. I am feeling better, thanks to all the wonderful FB resources and a long telephone call from my friend. I am grateful for him even though sometimes I feel like I am unable to love him back the way he loves me but - I have decided to forgive myself that, too.
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