My meditation yesterday: 30 minutes (9 am). 15 minutes in metro around 4 pm.

My meditation today: 30 minutes (9 am)

I had a really bad night last night. I went to bed with a heavy feeling. The usual fear was there again. The "What's to become of me" -fear a lá Eliza Doolittle that I so often have. I had two beers over dinner and realize that alcohol does not suit me at all. Even small doses. I felt nauseous and head-achy.  

I then had the horrible dream I always have before christmas: It is xmas-eve and I have done no preparations. Last night I was running like a headless chicken in an empty supermarket that was kept open for me after hours by a friend of mine who has nothing to do with supermarkets. She researches religions, for crying out loud! In my dream I experienced such anxiety and terror that it felt totally real. I woke up around 4:30 and went back to sleep, only for the same dream to continue. I woke up around 8, totally washed out. It was late so I had to the dog out before meditation. 

Meditation was good, though. Not really peaceful but good enough. After the meditation I stayed in bed, relaxed.

I managed to do most of the assignment for lesson 1 yesterday which was great! I really enjoy studying these things. The first time in my life I am immersing myself into something that I have passion for! I am so thankful!

Let this be a good day! I will have some friends over for some xmas drinks and notice that I am stressed out by it. Maybe thats why I had the dream! I do not seem to manage the stress or everyday things very well and end up feeling exhausted. 

But I don´t ponder that now. I let it be as it is. I let the panic come and go. 

All is well.