My meditation today: 8 am (40 minutes)

I am extremely exhausted. I went to see my psychic today and got my astrological chart. It did not reveal all that much and the whole session was a bit of a disappointment.

I had a terrible nightmare last night - the usual where my husband lets me know how much he does not love me and I feel mortified. I woke up with a heavy heart and took the dog out. On my walk I was mad at angels and celestial beings and God for not letting me go off the hook. For how long do I need to suffer? For how long do I have to be in the circle of fire???

I fell asleep after morning meditation and woke up drowsy and cloudy headed. My whole body hurts and I am tired beyond tiredness.

Is all this just the purification process? 

I just want to sleep and wake up in sunshine. Sun is shining but I am not. I feel like crying all the time. 

This have got to end! I cannot live like this! 

I got this from God today:

On this day of your life, kati, I believe God wants you to know...     ...that the time has come to get clear about who you are and what you choose. There come moments in every person's life when a decision is necessary. A big decision. A major choice. Such a time is now. What you get to choose today is who you are and who you choose to be, and what you wish to experience in your life. Remember, not to decide is to decide.

Yes yes yes!!!! But what is it that I must decide???? What is the choice I need to make???