My meditation yesterday: 1:15 pm (40 minutes)
My meditation today: 12 pm (40 minutes)

I have been feeling a bit restless recently. Meditations have not been all that great, though today after the meditation I sank into a deep relaxation and felt like the earth was sucking me in. It was wonderful. There was a wish of getting some answers while in that place but I found none. 

I have been pondering one thing recently, something that keeps happening in my life often and that, I feel, contradicts law of Attraction: When I feel really good, nothing particularly good happens. But I am okay with it because feeling good is a reward in itself.

But here´s where it gets weird: when I fall into a black hole of misery and dwell in there for some time and it gets so bad that I am angry to the Universe and full of negativity - good things start happening! Like on Wednesday - I had been doing really badly for a few days, experiencing pain like nobody´s business. I finally said to the Universe that if I do not - and right this minute - experience a miracle, I will just quit everything. And you know what? 5 minutes after this I hear that my Irish son-in-law who has been unemployed for a while got an internship (with a salary!) in a very good place! This was a miracle as we had already lost hope for him ever to find a job!

So - in my life it is not like attracts like but the opposites attract.

Today I, again, lost my temper with the Universe again. I just cannot understand why a decent person such as myself who has been really good for a long time and stayed positive no matter what, cannot manifest a partner but has to be alone! I don´t get it! Why have I been given the desire if I never get what I desire? Sarah says that desires will always be met but I am doubtful. 

I am listening to Esther on relationships and oh how I love her. She makes me so happy!