Heavy

My meditation today: 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the evening

I woke up from a very deep sleep around 7. I had to take the dog out immediately because he´s had diarrhea. I did my meditation after the walk. The meditation was very relaxing and I felt asleep after it. Again, the sleep was deep and it was difficult to wake up. My whole body felt heavy, like I was sucked by the earth and I felt very relaxed which was  wonderful. My heart rate was slow and I am sure my blood pressure was low. It felt as though I had released at least some of the burden that had been there.

The whole day I have felt a bit worn out, though. I had very little energy. But I did manage to do many chores, such as cooking 10 liters of apple sauce and picking up the rest of the (now frozen) apples from the ground. My back hurt and I was completely washed out in the evening. 

The evening meditation was OK but nowhere near as relaxed as the morning one.

I listened to the beginning of the recording of the lesson 3 teleconference about how you attract animals when you meditate.

I have an experience of this. Last summer I was sitting on the shore of the sea, close to my place (we don´t have beaches where I live!), meditating, with my eyes closed. After a while I heard noise, like the water was splashing more than it usually does. I opened my eyes and noticed that I was staring straight into the eyes of a huge swan. Her/his beak was very close to my nose. I panicked! And the swan went away, of course. But I thought it was so funny. Though a bit scary, as well.

This has been OK day but not as good as yesterday. It goes to say that days are not like brothers, as my mom says. I can feel the little desperation in the back of my mind, but it is no full blown. Things have not entirely clicked and there is a doubt there. Also, I feel exhausted. And a bit disappointed that I haven´t made any break through yet. Or have I? Maybe I just don´t notice. Maybe I just demand too much of myself.

I try to be thankful for this day and will try Sarah´s gratitude meditation now.

Good night!