My meditation yesterday: 9 am (30 minutes, mantra), 4.30 pm (15 minutes in the subway)

Today: 9 am (40 minutes, mantra), 6 pm (15 minutes)

It is the International Women´s Day. The sun is shining and there is spring in the air.

The anxiety continues. My meditation this morning was OK but not great. It is like am completely disconnected with my soul. I do not know why. Maybe I have over-done the soul searching?

It is almost 2 pm and I am still wearing my robe, sitting on my bed. I took the dog for a walk at 8. The weather was terrible, windy, cold and slushy. I got back, meditated, fell asleep (!) and then woke up drowsy.

I will do some cleaning. It keeps me grounded. I will do another meditation after cleaning and grocery shopping.

I try to get connected with my inner Goddess. I did some silly online quizzes of which Greek Goddess I am and the result was always Aphrodite. Yay!

Here are some Hindu goddesses to celebrate the Women´s Day!

I watched a film of two women who had endured hardships in their lives. The other one was dumped by her cheating husband. I could relate to her anxiety and desperation. She was desperately trying to get her husband back and I shared her humiliation. In the end things worked out for her and she got over her heart-break. I realized that wanting to keep your family intact and save your marriage is nothing to be ashamed of. I did that and felt crushed for a long time by my own weakness. But it wasn´t weakness! I have nothing to be ashamed of. I did the best I could under the circumstances.

And now I have to move on. If only I had an inkling as to where! Today I helped a troubled friend of mine and in the end of the phone call she said I have a gift as a coach. She said I really helped her. It felt so good. I am thinking: as long as I bring happiness to others, my life is worthwhile.

I cleaned my house and felt great afterwards. Right at this minute everything is fine. I am strong and powerful and capable of taking care of myself and my family!

...

Decided to listen to Eckhart before bedtime and he gave this insight: It is often then that the change comes to your life when you align with the present moment instead of trying to get away from it. When your are aligned with the Now, the power starts flowing through you. A chance may appear or you come up with an idea. You don´t depend on changes. You are a vehicle of consciousness that comes to world.