My meditation on Saturday: 2 pm (40 minutes)
Sunday: 12 pm (40 minutes)
Monday: 12 pm (40 minutes)
Tuesday: 5 am (40 minutes)
I had a lovely Easter with my kids at the summer cottage where we used to spend summers with the family. I haven´t been there for two years and feared what kind of emotions would be released when I get there. Particularly as the Girlfriend had been there last summer, something that was especially difficult for me to endure.
But it all went well. We had a good time, with a lot of eating and just hanging out, in the unusually warm spring weather.
It is therefore surprising how utterly horrible I feel right now. I feel pain like I have not felt for ages and what I thought would never come back. But here it is. My abdomen is in fire and I feel like crying and screaming. I also feel exhausted. All this is made worse with the strong feeling of disappointment which accompanies the pain. I feel like I really have made no progress but am back to where I was.
I am at my wits end. I do not know what to do. Nothing I have experimented seems to help in the long run. I just want to leave it all and stop existing.
I am so willing to let my husband go but seem to be unable to do that. I have tried so many tricks and methods but here I am - letting him to hurt me with his whereabouts with the Girlfriend.
This cannot go on! This must stop! Now!
I must get some work done but will spend the rest of the day in silence. I am not fighting the pain as I know it won’t help. Instead, I throw myself into it. I let it crush me.
Sunday: 12 pm (40 minutes)
Monday: 12 pm (40 minutes)
Tuesday: 5 am (40 minutes)
I had a lovely Easter with my kids at the summer cottage where we used to spend summers with the family. I haven´t been there for two years and feared what kind of emotions would be released when I get there. Particularly as the Girlfriend had been there last summer, something that was especially difficult for me to endure.
But it all went well. We had a good time, with a lot of eating and just hanging out, in the unusually warm spring weather.
It is therefore surprising how utterly horrible I feel right now. I feel pain like I have not felt for ages and what I thought would never come back. But here it is. My abdomen is in fire and I feel like crying and screaming. I also feel exhausted. All this is made worse with the strong feeling of disappointment which accompanies the pain. I feel like I really have made no progress but am back to where I was.
I am at my wits end. I do not know what to do. Nothing I have experimented seems to help in the long run. I just want to leave it all and stop existing.
I am so willing to let my husband go but seem to be unable to do that. I have tried so many tricks and methods but here I am - letting him to hurt me with his whereabouts with the Girlfriend.
This cannot go on! This must stop! Now!
I must get some work done but will spend the rest of the day in silence. I am not fighting the pain as I know it won’t help. Instead, I throw myself into it. I let it crush me.
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